Day 7 — Dear hopes and dreams

Dear hopes and dreams,

It feels good to have you out of the back corner of my brain and tangibly present everywhere. Most importantly, in my heart. I know I put you on the back burner for a while, when I began putting other people’s versions of you first. It wasn’t fair to you and I’m sorry.

But today, when I realise my 30 before 30 list has a focus on you, and that I think about you often enough, I feel better. To know that my hope of spreading the joy I get with my writing is slowly and surely coming true, to know that my dream for travel and wanderlust still survives all it’s faced, to know that my hope and dream for more love in this world was not foolishly misplaced…makes me feel wonderfully happy, and fills me with content.

When I look back, I realise I have always held out my candle to you to bring me back from the darkness that sometimes took over my life. When I felt that all was lost, it was your light that told me it wasn’t. When I almost gave up on the very things I believed in, you showed me exactly why I shouldn’t. For that, and for giving me a reason to hold on and move ahead, I am, and always will be, thankful.

There is just one more addition to the three of you that exist – my hope and dream to find a love that will love me back, with all my shortcomings…with all my flaws…and all my mistakes. Because they are what make me a human, and what make the person who I am, so real. Things that can be changed and need to be will be, but there is an essence to my soul that needs to be loved. As hard (or possibly impossible) as this is to find, there’s nothing like a little hope to keep you going, right?

This, I add to your family. This, I add to my life. This, I add to my hopes and dreams.

Love always,

Me

<3

Day 5 — Dear friends that are like family

Note: I have some friends who have become like family. Thanks in major part to the fact that Mum is a teacher, and these are mostly men who were her students at some point. And one who wasn’t. All, truly wonderful men.Dear friends that are like family,Where do I even begin this letter? Each of you has played such a wonderful role in my life; I don’t think my story would ever be complete if you hadn’t.

To start with, RD. You were there for me at a time when I felt there was no where to turn. Facing what I did with my family, and sometimes friends, in those high school years…You were someone who gave me the advice, the push to carry on. You showed me that no matter what life threw at me, I was strong enough to deal with it. And if I wasn’t, you were always there, waiting till I got back on my feet…letting me know in your own way that life was going to be okay. And you probably made the most difference in my life by stepping in, during those years when I was missing the comfort, guidance and solace of a brother. By being the brother I couldn’t have at that time. Only because the one I had and I couldn’t figure out that bond for the longest time. You’ve changed my life for the better, and even if we barely talk as much as we used to, if ever, know that the place you hold in my heart is very special, and always will be.

Coming to the six wonderful people who became a part of my life thanks to Mum – Sha, Sho, Re, Ka, Wa and Vi (Sorry men, it was easier this way :P ). All of you have been absolutely wonderful for my mum. Being there when she needed someone to pour her heart out too – because we all know she did. I was still finding my way in life till I became that person for her as well. But, I think each of you gave her heart an incredible amount of solace through the pain she felt. Perspective to all the problems and situations she put forward. And a warm hug when there was nothing left to say. For that, I’m forever thankful to each of you. If not for you all, I may not have had the strength to the bond that I share with her today.
Sha, you’ve always been the one to make Mum feel at ease. And with me, you have been the one to give me straight up what you think. You’ve been rather open about all that goes through your mind. I wish we’d talk more, I wish we’d lived more memories together. But, for all that we have, and all that we will, know I’ll always love you habibi :)
Sho and Re…You guys became a major part of my life in the past couple of years, more than ever. You were always there in our lives, but I felt your presence when we connected over time. Having you both in the same country as me gave me a sense of peace. To know that if I wanted to hear a friendly voice or feel love and warmth without judgement or reason, I could just come see you guys. Even though we don’t have that now, I’ve made some stellar memories with you both. Sho, in particular, you have always made me realise what joy I bring into your life. You don’t know what an amazing feeling it is, to be able to feel that. And some of the things you say, have always made my heart glow. Thank you, for being a sounding board for Mum and me, and for all the wonderful things you say and do for us. Re, you have been one of those people that has brought a lot of sunshine in my life. We don’t talk much – more your fault than mine :P – but when we do, I’ve made awesome memories :) All I ask is you keep in touch more. But even if you don’t, I won’t hold it against you! I love both of you very much, to the moon and back even!
Ka, you’re pretty much in the same boat as Re with the keeping in touch part. But as I said, I won’t hold it against you. Well, maybe a little bit, but only because I could have seen so much more of you when we were in the same city. You have always been someone I could have a conversation with endlessly, and it didn’t have to be about something in particular. It just gave me pure joy. I love you to bits mister, and always will.
Wa. You bring that happy energy to us at home. You have been wonderful with my friends circle, and to Mum, and to anyone who knows you in general. Take care of your heart, and know that I’ll always be there to look out for you. Much love!
Last, but not the least, Vi. You may not have been around much, but when I talk to you, I feel like a little child all over again. Not in the sense that you belittle me, but that you encourage me to see the joy that life has to offer! You’ve lost that in your life a bit recently I feel, and I honestly hope you get it back. Love you beby ;)

All of you are deserving of my love and there is not one moment I would take back that we have shared. I’d not change anything either, except maybe that I hear more from most of you.

Know I am here when you need me. It is a promise I intend to keep. And know, that promise is not an empty one.

Love,

Me

<3

100% Real

I’m generally a happy person. I don’t really try to be, I just am. I like to see the good side of things. Sometimes, when no one else can. There have been times when people have asked me how it’s even possible for me to have such positivity. And I realised, it’s because the world needs it.

No, I don’t mean that in a self-righteous stuck-up way or anything. Far from it. What I’m saying is, everyone has their own shit going on. Some might be going through the worst things ever, things that may be changing their lives. And in the middle of that, the last thing they need is someone dumping their bad day or a mood swing all over them – like, seriously. I’d choose to give them a smiling face to turn to, just so that for some time in their life, things aren’t so bad. That they have an outlet, someone to talk to. Or if they didn’t want to talk about it, just to unwind and laugh with. I think the world could do with every little bit of happiness it can get.

That’s not to say I don’t have my bad days. I do. But I have my outlets. Cooking, reading, music, and of course – writing. And if things are absolutely terrifying, I have people to turn to, to talk to. Knowing that keeps me going, and I just think every person needs that in their life too. And I try to be that person, the go-to person, whenever possible.

So am I putting on an act? Am I going, ‘Oh will you shut up!’ in my head when someone’s talking to me? Am I pretending to be nice so that I can be a bitch later? No. And I never will. I want to help, if you want me too. If you don’t, that’s cool too. I’m just being what I know to be – a nice person, and a friend. And a pretty damn good one at that =)

No pretences. Just 100% Real.

<3