24 Bits About Me, Before 24!

A few of you who don’t know me have been messaging the page and asking me lately to talk about the person behind the words…I’ve also made a couple of new friends who seemed to be really keen to know some more about me. That got me thinking…This month, I turn 24, on the 24th =) And that gave me the idea to do this post, of 24 random things about the person behind the blog – lil ol’ me =) So, here goes:

24 Things That Make Me, Me

  1. I am left-handed, and strongly so. I find it really hard to do things with my right hand, though I am consciously trying to be nicer and give it a little more attention. I am also tired of having to adjust to a righty world, but you have to do what you have to do, hey?
  2. I have weird toes that point in the wrong direction. Literally, they go against the curves and norms of normal shoes. So wearing tight or closed footwear can be a real pain, more often than not. In saying that, I am a trooper and will only complain after I come back home about all the walking I did =P
  3.  I absolutely love to dance. I have learnt a whole bunch of dances, from the traditional to the not very so. But it takes a lot of coaxing to get me to perform in public. Clubs and stuff are fine, nothing outside that, which would involve people looking at me.
  4. I don’t like nuts in my ice cream and chocolate, but I love to eat the regular kind fresh. I’m always nibbling on almonds or cashews, or mixed nuts. But I refuse to have them as part of my sweet afflictions.
  5. Speaking of which, I love ice cream. I firmly believe that ice cream will help with the healing of anything – heartbreak, illness, PMS symptoms, you name it. Of course, since diets cannot be considered healthy with too much of it, unhappiness must be dealt with in other ways.
  6. While on the subject of food, I don’t like whole tomatoes in my food. I can cook with them, I can have anything that uses them as a paste, puree or even whole cooked…But I cannot eat them fresh. So my Subway salads and subs always have tomatoes conspicuously missing.
  7. Other ways to deal with unhappiness include – a good book, good music, good company, great hugs or good movies. Nothing makes me happier than animated movies! And they are all I need to feel happy and hopeful again.
  8. I love to physically write, and I have many books, diaries and journals to prove it. I keep talking about writing as therapy, and I really believe it is for me. There is no better feeling than actually sitting with a book and a pen and pouring out my soul onto paper.
  9. I wrote A LOT growing up. In fact, at one point I wrote so much, that I actually had a mini book in the making, with 10 chapters in it.
  10. Cooking and baking are my other forms of therapy, when I’m not having ice cream or writing. I cook to clear my head so I can think properly, and de-stress. And I bake to unwind, and sometimes as a means of procrastination =P
  11. My musical taste is spectacularly broad, but my favourite songs have lyrics that are deep and mean something to me, rather than just ones that sound good.
  12. I have learnt the basic alphabet in British sign language, but I’m trying to learn more. Including words, and how to talk sentences, the whole shebang.
  13. Speaking of languages, I know 6 languages so far. 4 are Indian languages, but still. They are – in order of proficiency – English (of course), Hindi, Malayalam, Marathi, Tamil and Arabic. I am in the process of learning my 7th – Spanish.
  14. I cannot deal with compliments too well. I used to be so bad that I’d just mumble a thank you and disappear away, avoiding conversations that extended the topic. I never thought I was actually good at much, so I wasn’t sure anything anyone said was genuine. I’m getting much better with time, and have learnt to appreciate good things said to me =)
  15. I believe in certain superstitions. I am a firm believer in making a wish from your heart at 11:11, and making a wish upon the first star I see at night. It gives me hope that what my heart desires may someday come true, until what/whom I wish for is no longer available.
  16.  If you haven’t figured it out by my birthdate that I mentioned earlier, I am a Scorpio, by zodiac signs. I don’t particularly believe in sign compatibility, but I think there’s a bit you can learn by your zodiac. That’s why my second tattoo was designed the way it was; it has influences of the Scorpio in it.
  17. I work best under pressure. I could have all the time in the world to do something, but some of my best work comes just hours before the deadline. This is both a boon and a bane…I’ll stew over something for the longest time, but only wrap it up when I know I’m pretty much out of time.
  18. I do not own, nor do I wish to own, anything that is pink. I really do not like pink, as a colour for me. I don’t mind it on anyone else and their belongings, but it upsets me to have anything to do with the colour.
  19. Speaking of things that upset me, I really don’t like thunderstorms. You will find me with headphones in my room with the blinds/curtains drawn when there is one, more often than not with my teddy(s). If I don’t have access to any of these things, whoever is with me will have to deal with giving me hugs and calming conversations.
  20. I love football (or soccer, as some people like to call it), video games, comic book characters, superhero movies, conversations about cars and bikes, sports, pokemon (OMG POKEMON!)…basically things that are dominantly considered ‘guy territory’. A lot of people are surprised by this. But I think it had a lot to do with hanging out with my brother, his friends, and just way too many guy friends in general. And it always makes for VERY interesting conversations =)
  21. All my immediate family members (my mum, my dad, and my brother) have been in pretty major road accidents. Which made it really difficult for me to get behind the wheel, and petrified of roads in general.
  22. Speaking of roads and driving, I would rather park a car, than drive. I love the feeling of being able to drive, but given a choice, I’d rather call shotgun when someone else is driving, and park for them (parallel or otherwise) if they need me to.
  23. I am a strong believer in karma. You put good vibes out into the world, at some point, they will be returned. You put bad vibes out, no matter how good your life is, you will be pushed to the ground sooner or later.
  24. I believe I have the ultimate tough person act going on, and I’m very careful about showing my true sentiments. I have a massive wall I keep building, and it takes a lot to bring it down. And even then, unless you’re extremely persistent and special, chances are you may find it a struggle to get in, if you think it’s worth it, that is =) But I’m working on being nicer and letting people know me, hence this list ^_^

Hope this gives all of you some insight into who I am….It was a tough task getting to 24, but if I get to a point I can think of more, you will be the first to know! Any questions, comments and criticisms are always welcome. And if you feel like it, you’re more than welcome to tell me about yourselves. I’d love to know who my readers are =)

<3

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What are you afraid of?

As I always do after a gap, I start this with an apology. I know it isn’t fair for me to not warn all you wonderful people about not writing and just disappear. But, the only explanation is that life got in the way. I was dealing with some personal troubles, and had a bit of writer’s block. But, on the plus side, I’ve managed to end up with two (hopefully decent) posts after that writing freeze.

I was talking to someone the other day, and they asked me what I was afraid of. And of course, my instinctive reaction was to say, ‘Thunderstorms’. That, and horror movies, have always been the two things I couldn’t deal with. More often than not, the expression I was left with during either was always something like this:

I know, laughable. But, I kid you not, I get the heebie-jeebies with both of those.

But, when I sat to think about it more seriously, about what was it that I was afraid of, it made me reflect on my life. I do that sometimes, it helps me gain clarity on what I’m thinking about. It got personal, maybe more than I had bargained for. It took me a while to get around it, but I realised…My biggest fear, that always scared me for the longest time, was not being enough.

afraid-of?

I know I’m not alone in having this fear. Most (if not all) women, and many men, are insecure about some aspect of theirs. They may feel they’re not sexy enough, not athletic enough, not hipster enough, not fair enough, not tanned enough…the highly superficial list goes on. But yeah, I have to admit, it’s the most crippling feeling ever.

When have I felt like this? All through my life. Society has a set of rules it sets, that people – and in my case particularly, women – are expected to conform to. I was never one of the conformists, for whatever reason. I started off being okay with that, but there were a lot of people who weren’t. I was ridiculed growing up, from a very young age, about the way I looked, the things I did – I wasn’t part of the “cool” crowd, or the “popular” crowd. Sometimes, even my family and friends made jokes at my expense. I would take it all in my stride, but as time passed, my faith in myself began to dwindle. I began to believe I wasn’t enough. I wasn’t smart enough to be a top student. I wasn’t pretty enough to have a boy want to talk to me, or good enough for a boy to like me. I wasn’t talented enough to make my parents proud of me.

And it got to me enough to want to stay on the sidelines. I chose to be behind the scenes, and be the one that hid from everything and everyone, as long as I could do things like writing and reading; things that made me happy. It was a time that took me to a bit of a dark place, one that I really didn’t like. But when I got to the other side of it, I was glad. With some help, my writing (as I’ve said before) and a stronger heart and soul, I tried to turn things around as much as I could.

I realised that I had a soul that was damaged enough to not want someone else go through the same thing I did, so I became the best kind of friend anyone could ask for – the one who listened. I realised there were too many toxic people in my life that I needed to walk away from, and that is what I started to do. I was made to realise (by some wonderful people) that I had a personality that could win over almost anyone if I tried, so try I did. I was also made to realise that I just hadn’t recognised I was beautiful – not just on the inside, but the outside as well. Do you know how liberating and soul-freeing that is? I can tell you, it is very much so.

I think I’ve been lucky to have things turn around like that for me. It took a long while (nearly 14 years since it all first started) for it all to change, but luckily, it started to. Not everyone has that kind of luck, and you hear of horrid things that happen to a whole lot of people who could not take the pressure to conform anymore. To be what they weren’t. To not deal with what scared them the most.

To anyone who identifies with this as they read it, I only say this. One day, I recognised what I was afraid of. I chose to surround myself with more people that raised me up, than brought me down. And that is the day I started healing. It’s a continuous process, and someday, you will make it through. One day, it gets better. Just start with that basic question…

What are you afraid of?

<3

Second Chance

Note: Another one of my old poems. Yes, that is my handwriting, I used to sign off as ‘Angel’ quite often back in undergrad, especially when the fear of being caught for not paying attention and thrown out of class was instilled in us =) When my mind wandered, I’d write, and so…one day, instead of taking notes, I did this =D

Poem 2

With a little edit (after looking at it after about 4 years, maybe), this is:
Second Chance

They say love is friendship on fire
Doesn’t that imply you could get hurt?
Why would you want to walk a tight wire
Just to possibly end up feeling like dirt?

But then, it’s also a beautiful feeling
It could turn your world around.
Your life becomes one full of meaning
Feelings of joy and happiness abound.

Maybe you might get hurt someday
After all, it is a part of life.
That doesn’t mean you should keep love at bay
You can’t have life without strife.

Yes, it’s true, friendship’s safer and all
But it’s better to have loved and lost
Than to have never loved at all.
These are things in life with no extra cost!

Go ahead, don’t be scared, take a chance
Give your heart the choice to dance!

<3

Changes…

Note: I mentioned discovering some old poems in my last post. Whenever I get the time, I will be publishing one =)

In every person’s life there comes a change
It may be surprising, it may be strange.
Your entry into my life was a welcome one
It was at a time when in my heart I carried a ton.

You helped me ease the pain, to make a start
In pouring out the deepest worries of my heart.
At first to me it didn’t seem right
To make you worry, or feel sorry at my plight.

But you weren’t bothered about what the world would say
You made it your mission to to brighten my day.
Whenever I was about to stumble and fall
You steadied me, helped me stand tall.

We’ve made our special world because of which we
Know each other so well, it surprises me!
Whenever you need me, know I’m not too far away
And I promise you, I’ll try to keep your worries at bay.

Through thick and thin we’ll stick together
You can be sure, I’ll be there forever.
You make me feel special; you’ve lifted my soul.
Even though I don’t tell you everyday
You mean the world to me, more than words can say!

<3

Of memories and other things

My apologies, once again, for being AWOL for a bit. I’ve been busy with the arrival of my best friend from my teen years in Dubai. We’ve never been in the same country, let alone in the same city, for a good 6/7 years of our 11 year friendship. So I didn’t want to cut into my time for her, whatever little we could spend together!

Through the past few days, I have come to realise that I’d forgotten so much of what made me the person I was, and the person I am today. I’ve had nostalgic trips down memory lane, when I found some of my old poems while rummaging through a drawer. They reminded me how much I loved rhyming when I was younger, as silly as my rhymes were. They were the reason I began discovering more about putting my feelings to paper, the reason I decided to explore my connection with writing further. A friend (and, I am happy and proud to say, a follower of my work) has asked me to put them up, and I will – soon enough!

Some not-very-pretty memories have come up in the past few days as well – things that made me realise I never wanted to go back to some points in my life. They were dark, they were depressing, and I wouldn’t wish those times on even my worst enemy, if I had one. But, what mattered was that I’d made it through it all – stronger, happier, and surprisingly, much less scarred than I’d imagined. And of course, I discovered and rediscovered my writing. And for that, I’m thankful for the memories.

<3

 

Day 14 – Dear person I miss (Munna)

Dear person I miss,

I had a few people that came to mind when I saw this. People who were back in my hometown were first, but then I realised, I still get to see them when I want to. If there was someone I missed, and couldn’t see anymore (and regretted that fact too), it would be you – Munna. Apart from my grandfathers, you are the one other person I feel the absence of in my life.

We had a rather limited amount of time to get to know each other, but we did. And from the first time we spoke, the both of us knew what a great friendship we had started. You taught me to go after my dreams, and kept me going when things got tough. Manchester United conversations between us were endless, and whenever there was a game I might have missed, or something I didn’t understand, you very passionately explained it to me. If I still love the team and the game, know it is because you guided me onto the path in the first place. You always had a happy outlook on so many things in life, and if I have that today, you were the one who inspired it. Thank you for always being so good to, and for, me.

When you told me about your cancer, all I could do was wish for the best. Any of the silly wishes I made – on an eyelash, on a star, on a clover – it was that you would get better. And everytime you went for chemo, told me you were getting better, I thanked my stars.

And then the day when I thought I’d write to you and see how were doing came. I thought I’d remind you your birthday was around the corner, and like every year I hadn’t forgotten (as you had predicted I would, silly man!). I open your profile and read an RIP post as I do. I was stunned and started scrolling down, and realised your wall was flooded with these messages. It hit me that something had finally taken you, had broken that happy demeanour. As I read I realised exactly a month before I came to write to you, you had passed. The cancer had finally caught up, and that was devastating.

But I also remembered how you said when I left Dubai that somehow, somewhere, you will be there to look out for me. And I believed that. Then and now. It’s been two years since you’ve left us, and everytime something grand happens in my life, it strikes me that you possibly had something to do with it.

The birthday of yours after you passed, I got my first big assignment at work. The next birthday, I got the new job at my uni, and a whole host of good things. And the most recent evidence, which I only just realised while writing this, was when my blog reached its major milestone. June 13th, 2013. 2 years after you passed.

All these may just be random things, or you may have something to do with it. Either way, I would love to believe you do. Just so I know, you’re there out there, watching over me and the countless other lives you’ve touched.

Thank you for being a part of my life. I miss you, Munna.

Love,

Me

<3

The only constant in life, is change…

I have to begin this the way that has became annoyingly too familiar lately….I’m sorry. I’m sorry for this long gap in posting anything. I have only had enough time to be scribbling on scraps of paper, rather than construct my blog posts. Being a Masters student, before you know it, assignments are on top of you like nobody’s business, and you get sucked into the whole avidness of life’s routines. Even if you don’t want to, you do.

I know, it has been a while since I’ve last written. I’m just on the verge of completing a very tough semester at uni. And I genuinely miss writing and sharing what I have to say with all of you.

I’m glad that all/most of you are still here. One more week, and I will be free to do what I love. One more week, I ask you to bear with my tardiness. One more week, that’s all.

In the meantime, to some of the regulars on my blog (and to the rest of you, if you have the time), I would like to ask you for a favour. There is a wonderful job in my city that I want to apply for next week. The only thing I can use to apply for it is something I have written that isn’t work-related. And I’m allowed only one item of submission. I would like to pick a blog post, but I can’t decide which one. If any of you can oblige and help me pick, I will forever be grateful. If you’d like to comment here, or inbox me, that will be amazing.

Thank you for your patience. And if you choose to help me, thank you in advance for that.

Till you read me again next week, and you will (I intend to keep my word this time)  :)

<3