Note: I’m writing this to my 40 year old self, presuming that it’s a good time in the future to write to.
Dear future me,
I did mention you in my previous letter. But I shall, once again reiterate what I have to say. Just so we’re clear, you know?
I hope that as you read this, you have finished your ’30 before 30′ list, and have moved on to your ‘Things to do before I’m 40’ list. I hope that you have everything your heart has hoped for, because with every little hurdle you face along the way, you realise that you deserve it all. Because you have damn well earned it.
Let’s hope that all the things you believed in when you were young were worth believing in when you read this. That true friends will stick by you through it all. That love is hard, but it’s worth it. That family is important, but they don’t always know what’s good for you. That you are your own person, in charge of your own happiness, and that no one can take that from you.
I hope you have reached that point in life where you are happy with the person you are, inside and out. Where you are finally the best version of you that you believe you can possibly be. You have a beautiful soul (something too many people have already told you), and you should have let that beauty shine upon the world. They deserve it.
Lastly, I don’t know what direction your life has taken you professionally. But all I hope is that you still write. Either as a hobby or as part of your career, I hope you put your soul to paper as often as you can. Because I know this now, I knew it a while ago, and you will know it too – nothing helps you grow and soar to heights unknown with the joy that writing gives you.
I look forward to YOU.
P.S. Never forget, nothing beats a good hug, or a bowl of ice cream with good music and a book =)
This isn’t one of my typical letters from the series. It is, quite literally, a musing. One that I’ve been pondering about penning for a while. And then I remembered how well writing works for me as therapy. And suddenly, there was no reason to ponder any more. Pen to paper, fingers to keyboard – let your heart wander, just let it flow…Best way to write, I’d say.
So, there’s this boy I like. Yes, as most girls, I have a story that starts like this once in a while. I had a dream one night about telling him how I felt – and this is it, more or less. I have given this story enough of an introduction to let you (those who read this) that this may or may not be something you’d like to read further. Of course, that is a call I shall let you make :)
I don’t know if it’s been obvious to you yet, but I like you. Just like that, I like you – a whole lot! But of course, since you know how bad I am with telling people about my feelings for them, I haven’t been able to tell you. It’s nothing else – it scares me to put myself in that position, to be that vulnerable. I don’t do well with vulnerability, more so than other people. Above all else, it scares me to say anything because I don’t want to lose you as the amazing friend I have in my life. I don’t want you to run; you are too intricate a part of my life to have to give up now. I know I like you, but I wonder if you like me, too? It definitely seems like it, but life has long taught me to never make assumptions.
I have pictured an alternate reality, one where we could go out, on a legitimate date. Talk about things that mattered, things that didn’t; stuff that made us happy, stuff that didn’t. Be more than friends – sneak in a touch here, steal a kiss there. Act on the feelings that seem to exist between us. Simple things, small joys, great happiness. But as I said, that was an alternate reality.
Ever since the day we met, I have connected with you, and vice versa. I have known I liked you for a while now, but the timing never seems right to get out with it. If I made an exception to tell someone I liked them, you would be that exception. But I won’t. Apart from being chicken, it is because I know that we come from two different worlds. Two worlds that run on a sort of parallel, that may probably never intersect. I have things to keep me busy, and my own set of problems to deal with. I also know you have a busy life, and in this time and place, to accommodate me in it as more than “just a friend” may probably be asking for too much? I know I can make you a part of my world, but I fear you may not be sure about giving me too much of a place in yours. Paranoid? Not really. Just being cautious with a heart that’s been broken a couple times too many.
I hope we’re always as close at heart as we are today. I will always be rooting for you in all that you do. Not just because I like you so much, but because I believe in you. I will be sappy and ask for you and your happiness at 11:11. And I will never be more than a heartbeat away from you.
And maybe, someday in the future, if our worlds align, and you have the feelings for me as I know I will for you, we can hope for the magic to happen, where I finally tell you how much I like you, how you make me feel. And then I shall ask you for sure – if you do, too.
Dear Mum and Dad,
To start this off, I’d like to say…thank you. Yes, I don’t think I say that enough, but thank you for being the reason I came to exist in this world. And for encouraging two of my greatest passions – writing, and reading. And for being good to both, me and my brother. We may not tell you this, but you should know we love you. A special thanks, just for the library you’ve given me through all the years of my life! You don’t know the joy it has given me!
Mum (or the countless other random names I come up with for you). You are the reason I’ve come to love reading. You have inspired me to be the best version of myself, as you have inspired the innumerable children you have taught. You being a teacher has instilled in me my tendency to want to help people. I probably take it to a whole new level because, well, sometimes I try to help even those that others say can’t be helped.
Our relationship as mother and daughter has been through a lot, and over the years we began living in India, we realised we could be friends too. Talking to you about things that are on my mind, listening to things that are on yours…And trying to give you my point of view through it. Not many people are lucky enough to have that. But, on the other hand, as time goes by, a part of me really wishes you see the changes in me. About life, love, and things that matter to me. I can’t talk to you about them, because they do not match your point of view. Hopefully, someday, this will change. If not, you will (I hope) take it to be a part of the woman I have become, not the little girl you used to know :)
Dad/ Pops/ Acha…You have been a wonderful man to me. Cherished my presence and gave true meaning to the phrase Daddy’s little girl. I have been a social butterfly throughout my life thanks to you. You taught me the importance of friendship, and keeping bonds strong no matter what. You saw potential in some things I said and did, and for that I shall always be grateful. But, on the other hand, you haven’t been that generous with my brother. He deserves more, and one day you will see what I see in him too. Hopefully the long conversations I have with you, fiercely defending him, will have an impact!
I know you hope for certain things for us, and at some point, if they are meant to be – they will be. Just keep the faith :)
To both of you. Whatever differences we all have had, I’m still glad to have you both in my life. We may be dysfunctional in a lot of ways, but we’re learning to work with that. No one knows for sure how dysfunctional we really are, and that is saying something :) We will make it through whatever it is, I hope.
Also, I have some strong views about some things, I know. But that is solely because I am my own person. Whether you agree with them or not, I need to be able to make my own mistakes, so I can learn from them on my own. I genuinely love you both, and I have no reason or intention to hurt you. If I do, I apologise. But I will make my path in life, on my own two feet. And you both shall see, you will have a reason (or many) to be proud of me.
I’m generally a happy person. I don’t really try to be, I just am. I like to see the good side of things. Sometimes, when no one else can. There have been times when people have asked me how it’s even possible for me to have such positivity. And I realised, it’s because the world needs it.
No, I don’t mean that in a self-righteous stuck-up way or anything. Far from it. What I’m saying is, everyone has their own shit going on. Some might be going through the worst things ever, things that may be changing their lives. And in the middle of that, the last thing they need is someone dumping their bad day or a mood swing all over them – like, seriously. I’d choose to give them a smiling face to turn to, just so that for some time in their life, things aren’t so bad. That they have an outlet, someone to talk to. Or if they didn’t want to talk about it, just to unwind and laugh with. I think the world could do with every little bit of happiness it can get.
That’s not to say I don’t have my bad days. I do. But I have my outlets. Cooking, reading, music, and of course – writing. And if things are absolutely terrifying, I have people to turn to, to talk to. Knowing that keeps me going, and I just think every person needs that in their life too. And I try to be that person, the go-to person, whenever possible.
So am I putting on an act? Am I going, ‘Oh will you shut up!’ in my head when someone’s talking to me? Am I pretending to be nice so that I can be a bitch later? No. And I never will. I want to help, if you want me too. If you don’t, that’s cool too. I’m just being what I know to be – a nice person, and a friend. And a pretty damn good one at that =)
No pretences. Just 100% Real.