Note: I mentioned discovering some old poems in my last post. Whenever I get the time, I will be publishing one =)
In every person’s life there comes a change
It may be surprising, it may be strange.
Your entry into my life was a welcome one
It was at a time when in my heart I carried a ton.
You helped me ease the pain, to make a start
In pouring out the deepest worries of my heart.
At first to me it didn’t seem right
To make you worry, or feel sorry at my plight.
But you weren’t bothered about what the world would say
You made it your mission to to brighten my day.
Whenever I was about to stumble and fall
You steadied me, helped me stand tall.
We’ve made our special world because of which we
Know each other so well, it surprises me!
Whenever you need me, know I’m not too far away
And I promise you, I’ll try to keep your worries at bay.
Through thick and thin we’ll stick together
You can be sure, I’ll be there forever.
You make me feel special; you’ve lifted my soul.
Even though I don’t tell you everyday
You mean the world to me, more than words can say!
I’ve always read things like this. And never realised how much you can learn when you put your thoughts to paper (or in this case, a virtual note). Until 2012. This past year, I got back to writing, with a renewed passion. It’s not like I had stopped before, I just wasn’t motivated enough to write as much. But I did, and I’m glad about that.
Have you wondered what it would be like, to have a whole year be something you never, ever expected it to be? I always did, until 2012 came along. Boy, what a year it has been!
It’s been a year of many firsts.
– I left home for the first time. And that wasn’t easy, especially coming from a background that prefers to keep “their own” a little too close. But my parents knew it was important to me, to break away, and they let me go and find my way.
– I lived by myself for the first time. Being a twenty-something, I’ve wanted to experience a home of my own – away from family. I wanted to be able to discover myself. And moving to a place where I knew no one helped me do that.
– I made friends with people from at least 10 different countries, for the first time. And some wonderful ones, at that. Learning about different cultures, and different ways of life, has been a divine experience. It made me realise that my hope…no, my dream, is to travel. Not just around the world. But, through stories. Through cultures. Through experiences. Through life.
– I created, and stuck to creating, a blog – for the first time. It’s what made me realise how much I’d been missing writing. And how much I wanted to keep writing. It was like reconnecting with a part of my soul I didn’t know I had lost touch with. It also made me realise, I had an outlet of sorts. To hopefully never, ever lose that part of my soul again.
It’s also been a year of many life lessons…
– I learnt that no matter what, there are some people I can’t win over. And that’s okay. What matters is that I tried. Friends, acquaintances or family, no one should point a finger at you and say that you never made an effort to make good with them.
– I learnt what dating could feel like, outside my comfort zone. I went on dates with people who I wasn’t in a relationship with, and it was refreshing. It also becomes a part of your soul-searching, because you understand how you feel about relationships in general.
– I learnt that it was okay to let people in, especially those who make an effort to come in. It allows you to let some amazing souls in your life. You make an effort to make sure the walls stay up, but these people will break them down, because they care enough to.
– I learnt that people who were close to me can, and possibly will, leave. And I can’t change that, no matter how much I try. It’s a way of life. People come, people go. The ones that really care, will do whatever it takes to stay. And the ones that leave, probably have no reason to stay anymore.
And the most important thing 2012 has taught me is:
I learnt that if I didn’t believe myself that I was amazing, no one else really had a reason to believe it either. Why would they? You need to believe you are a gift in everyone’s lives, and they’re lucky to have/know you. Because you don’t need yourself to bring you down, there will be people to try that anyway. It’s the way of the universe.
It’s what life is about – firsts, experiences, milestones and memories. So here’s to life. And here’s to letting 2013 try to top 2012! Bring it on!
That haunting feeling…It’s the worst. When you know you are facing the calm before the storm. And there’s probably nothing you can do about it, than watch the horror unfold.
There are days when I just want to escape…to any place. Anywhere that I can scream my lungs out till every bit of frustration seeps out, drop by drop. Then there are days I want to just curl up in a corner (preferably in bed), cut off from the rest of the world…Just pretend I had no problems. That if I ignored them long enough, they’d go away.
But they don’t. Problems don’t disappear. You either fix them, or they take over your life. Or they pretend to disappear, only to resurface with a vengeance again, at another, more troubling time.
It is a horrid feeling, to have to deal with any of the bad stuff going on. It sucks even more not having someone to talk to about it. I have amazing friends, but then again, the person I am wouldn’t want to tell people of my problems. I’m the one that solves problems, not the one that has them! There are loads of people who feel the same way, I’m sure!
With all my talk of being wary about love, there is one thing I’ve realised. Whether it’s a friend, a lover or just someone who cares, it’s definitely nice to have someone in your life. Someone who is always willing to listen, but willing to have a conversation too. Someone to just give me a big hug and tell me ‘everything’s going to be okay’…Who won’t mind if I bawled like a baby because I knew it wasn’t going to be.
Just someone to be my wall for once, instead of the other way around.